


The Gaps Between Seconds

by stardustkiss



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Action/Adventure, Adventure, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Tragedy, Anxiety, Crossing Timelines, Doomed Timelines, Dream Team SMP Angst (Video Blogging RPF), Dream Team SMP Spoilers, Dreams and Nightmares, Dreams vs. Reality, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Heavy Angst, Karl Jacobs-centric, Loneliness, Loss of Trust, Magic Revealed, Manipulation, Memory Alteration, Memory Loss, Mental Breakdown, Nervousness, Panic Attacks, Paranoia, Protective Team, Secrets, Self-Sacrifice, Sleep Deprivation, Team Bonding, Time Travel, Time Travelling Karl Jacobs, Trust Issues, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-18 06:16:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28987689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardustkiss/pseuds/stardustkiss
Summary: Karl Jacobs is restrained by the hands of time, mocked by clock faces and seconds ticking by in his ears. A mysterious relic appears to him in a dream, following him back to reality and taking over his everyday life. He’s grasping at seconds, then milliseconds, then microseconds, and then what little is left of himself.
Relationships: Alexis | Quackity & Karl Jacobs & Sapnap, Clay | Dream & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 37
Kudos: 115





	1. I : Wake Up

**Author's Note:**

> hello! yesterday’s tales from the smp was so inspiring that well i planned a fic based purely on karl’s first diary entry. 
> 
> this is going to be so much fun and i would love to see where this goes as i have speedran this in two sittings!! 
> 
> this will be loosely based around canon lore and some of it is just speculation / adding onto it / making things up as i go! so general spoiler warning :)
> 
> i think the only ship stuff ill be including is our fave three fiancés because well i just cant not do that...canonically sweeties i cannot ignore
> 
> anyways! please enjoy! i have no idea how long or short this is going to be! hope you’ll stick with me as i figure it all out!

_Blurry, everything was blurry. Vision was a smudge and his eyes couldn’t look past the horizon line no matter how hard he fought for control of his body. Purples and greens bled together, further obstructing his eyes. His hand was out, palm up and expectant. Somebody stood across from him, he couldn’t raise his gaze to see who it was. They clearly knew each other, they were friends, he felt safe._

_An arm extended out towards him, and something cold to the touch was placed in his hand. Their hands were clasped together tightly for a few moments, the object sealed between their palms. He vaguely heard a voice, warbly, far away, yet coming from the figure in front of him. He could hear the words : “Take good care of this, you’ll need it more than you can imagine.”_

_The hand was pulled away and he stared down at the weight in his hand. A brass pocket watch fit perfectly in the palm of his hand, the long chain curled up beneath it. He rubbed his thumb over the cool metal, swallowing the lump in his throat. His hand held the pocket watch tightly to his chest as he felt as though he was falling, being pulled backwards through the air. Eaten whole by flashes of green and purple._

Karl started off the morning by being scared awake by his own dream. He jolted in his bed, eyes flying open and a sharp gasp leaving his throat. He swore he was falling, it was like he could feel the ground crumble from beneath his feet. A frown found his lips and he rubbed a hand over face in silent agitation. He could’ve gotten a few hours of sleep, and God knows he needed it.

Things were extremely high tensions nowadays, threats of war and carnage were whispered at every corner. It seemed no matter what anyone did there would be death and destruction. He tried not to get lost in his thoughts too much, pressing his hands against his cheeks and reminding himself to start the day remembering that he was lucky to be alive. 

He was alive, despite it all. His friends were alive. There was a new president of L’manburg, he himself was a member of the cabinet, things were beginning to change. Maybe they had been handed an opportunity to turn things around, and the nations could coexist and the people would all get along.

Karl was an optimist, dangerously so. Fighting back waves of anxiety with personal reassurances that it would be okay, because he wasn’t alone and he was getting stronger as the minutes passed. He stretched his arms over his head, yawning loudly as he finally began to dedicate himself to fully waking up. 

He rubbed at his eyes with one hand as he used the other to toss his blankets away, it was painfully comfortable in his bed but he had to start the day sooner or later. Karl scooted to the side of his bed, the frame creaking as he did so. He swung his legs over the side and his feet found purchase on the hardwood floor. Willing himself awake, with a sudden burst of energy he leapt out of bed. 

When he landed on his feet, ready to take on the new day, a loud clunk followed him. The sound startled him, causing him to spin around with his shoulders rising and eyes flickering in search for the source. He looked over his shoes discarded on the floor, his clothes kicked around into piles, one of his pillows, and finally a brass pocket watch. 

His blood ran cold. Karl froze in his spot, a good two feet away from the pocket watch sitting on his floor, right next to the hoodie he was wearing yesterday. This wasn’t right, and this wasn’t possible. He didn’t own anything like this, and he hadn’t ever seen anyone who had been in his room own anything remotely similar to this. 

His dream seeped into his mind, sending chills down his spine and causing his knees to buckle the smallest bit. Karl quickly folded his hands into fists, and he stared at the pocket watch. It was just laying there on the floor. Quiet ticks were emitted from it as seconds went by, but nothing else had happened since it had fallen. 

How? Surely this wasn’t real. He had to have been asleep. Karl dug his nails into his palm until it hurt too much to continue. How was this real? Why didn’t he wake up just then? He took half of a step backwards and then managed a quick look over his shoulder. It was just him in his bedroom, just him and the pocket watch from his dream. 

These were some of the slowest minutes of his life. Karl took a very deep breath, so deep that he doubted he could even hold that much air in his lungs. Then he held it for longer than he should have, and exhaled very shakily. It was a pocket watch, just something used to tell time. He shuffled towards it, watching it with unblinking eyes. 

He got closer, and closer. The watch was right beside his foot. Karl leaned over and snatched the pocket watch up off the ground, knowing if he did it too slowly he would think of a million reasons to not pick it up. The watch was cold in his palm, but it fit the same way it did in the dream, perfectly. It was cradled in his hand, looking back at him almost tauntingly. 

Back in his dream he hadn’t been able to see any of the details of the watch, he hadn’t even managed to open it up and see what time it was. His thumb hovered over the crown of the pocket watch, wondering if it was a good idea to open it. 

He was so curious, and it was beginning to get the best of him. It was a watch, just a watch, but said watch had followed him through a dream. So it wasn’t just a watch. Then again just because he saw it in a dream, didn’t mean it necessarily followed him. Because it was a watch. This had to be a prank. A terrifyingly well thought out prank that put Karl’s sanity at stake. 

His thumb pressed down on the crown and the pocket watch opened. Karl stared down at it, at the roman numerals on the main clock face declaring it to be 11:15AM and then the smaller circle telling him the date. At least that was right, January 2nd, the year had just started. He ran his finger over the edge of the watch and his eyes found the inside of its cover. 

It was engraved in thin scratchy writing, clearly done by hand. 

**Don’t forget who you are. - XI**

Great. Another thing to worry himself to death over. What on earth was that supposed to mean? Who was XI and why did Karl have their pocket watch? Was XI the person who gave it to him in the dream? It was too early in the morning for him to make sense over any of this. 

He left the pocket watch on his desk as he got ready for the morning, deciding to put this whole thing behind him until he had more information. Maybe he’d get lucky and someone would just come up to him and start telling them about their magnificent prank. That would be ideal. 

Before Karl left his bedroom, he shoved the watch into the pocket of his coat and buttoned it up. He couldn’t lose it, he couldn’t leave it behind, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to wear it around his neck. He had no idea what else to do, he had no choice but to go on with his day.

  
  
  


Karl was wandering down the prime path, nose buried in the fluff of his coat when an arm hooked around his neck and pulled him in immediately. A grin from his once troubled expression at the familiar feeling of being hugged by Sapnap, who had seen him from a mile away and decided to race Quackity to see who could get to Karl first.

“What’s up handsome?” Sapnap greeted casually, arm casually keeping Karl in a light and friendly headlock. Karl’s hands came up to grab at Sapnap’s arm, humming in response and laughing shyly. 

“I’m just going to get breakfast.” Karl said softly, resting his head on Sapnap’s shoulder in defeat. There was no way he was getting out of the headlock even if he tried, and he has tried, and it hurt more than the headlock. 

“We should get breakfast then,” Sapnap eased up on Karl a bit, instead draping his arm over his shoulder and smiling warmly. “By the way, I beat Quackity in a race.” He murmured, as if it was a secret and Sapnap didn’t want to brag to everyone far and wide. 

“How far behind you was he?” Karl looked over his shoulder, not seeing anyone around them. He was almost convinced Sapnap left him dead in a ditch somewhere. “Seriously, how did you-”

“I fucking caught you!” Quackity yelled from higher both of them had expected, he had somehow managed to scale the wall beside them and was backing up to jump down at them. Karl’s face fell in disbelief and Sapnap barked out laughter in absolute delight. “Fuck you Sapnap! You dirty fucking cheater!” He leapt off of the wall, Karl was convinced he was going to break both his ankles. 

“I won fair and square!” Sapnap pulled away from Karl quickly, running towards Quackity and miraculously catching the crazy bastard from his leap of faith. Of course this wasn’t going to be picture perfect, Quackity flopped into Sapnap’s arms and then Sapnap began tumbling backwards unsteadily. Karl watched in horror as his fiancés fell to the ground right in front of him, both cursing and then immediately laughing. “I mean, I still technically caught you.” 

“Oh my God,” Karl rubbed his hands over his face, panic throbbing through his temples and threatening to make his head hurt. “It’s not even noon and both of you have almost died. I’m too young to be widowed let alone widowed twice.” He reached down and helped them both get up, dusting them off and letting out a final sigh of relief. 

“If we’re not married I don’t think you would be a widow,” Quackity added, falling victim to Sapnap wrapping an arm around his shoulder and pulling him in nice and close. “It would just be really fucking sad.” He had no idea where they were going but he was walking with them. 

“You can’t die before we get married,” Karl was pulled closer to Sapnap who now had his arms on both of their shoulders, and he shook his head. “You can’t die either, in fact, you just can’t die at all.” The three of them playfully bickered all the way down the prime path, just like they always did. 

  
  


They sat around a table, mumbling around eggs on toast, talking mostly with their hands. Karl always tried to get a meal or two in with them, food just tasted better when he was with people he loved. 

“What’re you up to today?” Quackity spoke with his hand over his mouth, dark eyes glancing over Karl who was sitting on his chair with his knees to his chest. That was a good question. He didn’t know.

“Um, I hadn’t figured that out yet, I was just planning to see where the day took me.” Karl replied, grabbing for his cup of coffee and smiling when Sapnap nudged it right into his hand. Karl wrapped his fingers around the cup and brought it to his lips. “Lots has been happening lately, I need time to process.”

“Yeah, no, no, totally understandable,” Quackity said with his eyebrows raising, shaking his head. “All the shit with exile and the walls, it’s tough.” He murmured, leaning back in his chair with a small sigh.

“I just hope it will all be over soon.” Sapnap added, nibbling on his bottom lip immediately after speaking and then leaning forward. “I meant that in a good way, that everything ends well.” 

“I know,” Karl reassured him after a long sip of his coffee, it was a little too hot still but he powered through the very slight burn. “We’ve got this, don’t we?” 

“We’ve got this, of course.” Quackity stepped in, eyebrows furrowed and expression serious yet still soft. “It’s us, how can we not? We’ve prepared so much, we’ve taken the precautions, we’ve fought, we’ve busted our asses for this.” He tapped on the table as he spoke, for emphasis.

“You’ve done well, the both of you. I’m really proud of you, there’s just so much pressure to overcome, and so much skill. I’m not much of a talker, so,” Sapnap shrugged his shoulders and Quackity reached over for his hand, squeezing it tightly.

“Don’t discredit yourself, you’re just as goddamn important as us. We fight with words, you put your life on the line to support us.” Quackity said softly, everyone at the table felt lighter, especially at the appearance of Sapnap’s shy smile.

Karl was almost having the best time he could have possibly had when he felt the weight in his pocket, and his heart dropped to his feet. The watch. His hand drew away from his cup of coffee and he slowly slid his fingers into his pocket. When his fingertips touched the brass he sighed in relief and both fiancés glanced over the table at him, curious and concerned. 

“Karl…?” Sapnap kept his voice low, as to not worry or startle him. Karl’s hand gripped the watch, but he couldn’t find the strength to take it out of his pocket. He needed answers. He needed to know. He couldn’t do this alone, he didn’t like being alone.

“Hey, um, I found something this morning.” Karl cleared his throat, easing his hand out of his pocket and holding the watch against his lap. “In my room and it’s not mine, so I guess I’m wondering if you’ve seen it before.” He slowly put his hand onto the table in between the three of them, he watched Sapnap and Quackity’s eyes follow his movement.

He placed the pocket watch down on the table and retracted his hand, holding them in his lap and tensing up. The two men looked at the watch, absolutely no recollection in their eyes, and that made Karl feel even worse. So they didn’t know anything either.

Sapnap reached out to grab it and Karl quickly took his wrist in his hand, heart racing in his chest. Sapnap looked at him, one eyebrow raised. Karl squeezed his wrist tighter, moving his hand into Sapnap’s and intertwining their fingers.

“You probably shouldn’t touch it, I don’t know what it does, I don’t want something to happen,” Karl explained, aware this sounded like some irrational fear of clocks. Sapnap brought Karl’s hand up to his mouth and kissed it softly.

“Okay, I won’t do anything you don’t like.” Sapnap murmured, sitting on his other hand to prove he would hold back his impulsive behaviour in order to keep Karl a little bit calmer. 

“You touched it.” Quackity noted, leaning in and observing the smooth metal of the watch, eyes narrowed and curious. “What if something happens to you? Then what?” He muttered, gesturing to the watch with pursed lips. “Open it.” 

Karl’s shoulders slumped, he was right, but he didn’t like that he could have potentially upset Quackity. He reached out with a shaky hand and pressed down on the crown of the watch. Everything was visible now, the clock faces, the engraving. 

Sapnap’s eyebrows knit together in confusion, taking it all in and fighting the urge to grab it by sitting harder on his hand. Quackity stood up from his seat, leaning over the table and inspecting the watch as closely as he could without touching.

“This just looks like a pocket watch, Karl.” Quackity whispered, eyes flickering over the engraving and he took his sweet time reading the words. “Who the hell is XI? And this was in your bedroom?” 

“I don’t know, and yeah, um, I had a dream about it and, um I woke up and it was on my bed.” Karl hurriedly whispered, he knew this didn’t make sense and this was questionable and just didn’t happen. Quackity plopped himself back into his seat and scratched his head over his beanie. 

“Oh hell no, a dream?” Sapnap shuddered, nodding towards the pocket watch and shaking his head. “I don’t like the sound of that Karl, it sounds possessed or something.” 

“Okay you don’t have to scare him, it was just a dream.” Quackity added, grabbing his own cup of coffee from the table and taking a small sip. It was warm, not hot. “I’ll see if XI comes up in any documentation or books, okay?” 

“Okay.” Karl agreed, staring down at the watch sitting in the centre of the table. It quietly ticked between the three of them, not doing anything else, yet it felt so menacing and wrong. 

“Ah, speak of the devil,” Sapnap said suddenly, hearing the door open down the hall and the familiar footsteps of Dream begin to echo through the building. 

Karl didn’t know what came over him but he leapt to his feet, grabbed the watch and shoved it into his pocket. Quackity recoiled in shock, staring at Karl’s expression stricken with nervousness and insecurity. 

“Don’t tell anybody, I mean anybody.” Karl quickly whispered to each of them, buttoning his pocket again and glancing between Sapnap and Quackity. “I trust you guys, and I don’t want this to turn into a big thing.” 

“You have my word.” Quackity murmured, unsettled with the desperation in Karl’s words and actions, but he trusted his fiancé. 

“I promise, promise.” Sapnap said softly, getting up from his chair and squeezing Karl’s hand for a few more moments. “Breathe, nice and slow.” 

Karl shut his eyes, taking a deep breath and holding Sapnap’s hand tightly in his own. The silence was comfortable, he held his breath, bringing his hand closer to his chest. Finally he exhaled, and he did it again. He focused on deeply breathing two more times before his eyes fluttered open.

“There you go… good, good.” Sapnap gave his hand one more squeeze before he let go of it and looked over his shoulder at the door to the kitchen swinging open and Dream standing expectantly in the doorway. “I’ll see you later, you’ll find me wherever Dream is,” He smiled softly, leaning over towards Quackity and placing a kiss on top of his head. 

Quackity kissed Sapnap’s temple as Karl awkwardly glanced over at Dream. He was standing in the doorway, arms at his side, weapons hanging from their holsters, tattered dark green cloak coming down to his knees. Ceramic mask covering his face like it always did, the crudely painted smile looking back at Karl, the hood of the cloak on his head, shield neatly secured to his back. 

“We should probably get outta here before more people see you,” Sapnap acknowledged as he rushed over to Dream’s side, probably one of the only people here that could be with that man and be close to 100% comfortable. “It’d be bad, already kinda is.” 

“Eh, it’s not so bad.” Dream murmured lowly, his mask stared at Karl for a few moments, and then turned to look at Quackity. Although they were members of the cabinet, they couldn’t touch him even if they tried. And they knew that. Quackity’s jaw clenched, and Dream turned on his heel, a small whistle signalling for Sapnap to follow him out. 

The two of them went back out of the doorway Dream had just come through, the sounds of their footsteps getting further away was some semblance of comfort. Sapnap was talking at Dream at this point, maybe getting a response but it was so quiet neither of the men left in the kitchen could hear it. 

When Sapnap’s voice could no longer be heard and another door was closed, Karl and Quackity exchanged glances over the table.

“Fuck man.” Quackity broke the silence, hitting his fist against the table a few times and laughing bitterly. “Such a creepy motherfucker.” He muttered, going back to nursing his coffee, shaking his head.

“Mm.” Karl agreed, his hand felt cold, he clenched his fingers around nothing and then reached with both hands for his coffee. 

It would all be okay right? It was okay to tell the two of them right? Dream didn’t see anything right? He wouldn’t be mad at him would he? He wouldn’t question him would he? He hadn’t done anything wrong, had he? He wouldn’t tell him he shouldn’t have the watch, would he? He didn’t even know what it was… right? 

  
  


Karl eased himself back into bed at the end of the night, he checked three times that his doors and windows were locked before he allowed himself to relax. He pulled his blankets all the way up to his chest and sighed until it became a yawn.

He’d been reading books and documents all day, neither him or Quackity could find anything about a XI. Not in any history books they had access to, not even in the archives. He took the watch off of his bedside table and held it up in front of his face.

He didn’t know that much about pocket watches, just how to open and close them. He hadn’t really played around the mechanics, he didn’t know what to do if it ran out of batteries or needed the time to be adjusted. 

Karl yawned again, running his finger over the writing scratched into the surface of the lid. It seemed carefully done, yet it was so messy, maybe the writer had a shaky hand, or just scratching into metal was so foreign it couldn’t be neat if they tried. XI. His thumb rubbed over the two characters, scrambling for any possibilities. 

Initials? A name? A time? A place? A date? The chain dangled from the watch, curled around Karl’s fingers and hanging down from them. He still didn’t have the heart to wear it, he didn’t know if he ever would. 

Karl took his other hand and began to fiddle with the crown of the pocket watch, just to see if it was functional enough for him to change the time if he ever needed to. He twisted it slowly at first, nothing seemed to change. Somewhere in the back of his mind he recalled he had to pull the crown out slightly. So he did. 

Then he began to spin the crown slowly, counterclockwise. He watched as the hands of the clock began to move and he hummed happily at his victory. At least he had that much figured out. He continued to spin it absentmindedly, watching the clock continue to change in front of his eyes. That was easy enough. 

Then he pushed down on the crown, and tried to spin it again. He had locked it in place. He was learning, and quite quickly at that. Karl went to change the time back when a sharp pain tickled at his forehead and he clenched the watch tightly.

His free hand touched his head, eyes screwed shut and teeth gritting. He’d never had a sudden headache like this before, maybe it was his sign to go to bed. He even felt a little sick, like his head was spinning. Karl let his hand holding the watch fall onto the bed, groaning in discomfort. 

It felt like he was falling. He jolted in his bed, holding the pocket watch tightly and cradling his own head in his hand. This wasn’t good. It felt like his ears were full of water and every sound was turned down, and every feeling was multiplied. Too much was happening at once. He was so overwhelmed. 

Karl rolled over in his bed, curling up as small as he could manage and squeezing his eyes shut even tighter. Everything hurt. Sweat beaded at his forehead, his chest clenched painfully around his heart. Why couldn’t he breathe? He tried to get himself calm, tried to do those breathing exercises he so heavily relied on, tried to count himself down. He had barely gotten through one deep breath when the walls of his home shook around him.

His eyes flew open in urgency, he sat up in his bed, looking extremely worse for wear, and he scrambled to get to his feet. Explosions. The ground shook, and trembled, and his ears began to ring. 

Karl clambered over to his shoes, barely getting them on as he pulled his jacket over his shoulders and hurriedly unlocked his door. He gripped the doorknob tightly as tremors shook beneath his feet. 

What the hell was going on? He pulled his door open and the pocket watch hanging from the chain around his fingers hit his wrist painfully. Karl hissed, pulling away from the source of pain and watching the watch dangle from his fingers.

What time was it anyways? He’d been home for no more than ten minutes, he hadn’t even closed his eyes to go to sleep. He pressed the crown down and watched the pocket watch open up. 

It was 3pm. He paused, his throat dried up. That couldn’t be right. Karl looked down at the secondary clock face, his heart sunk into his stomach. 

January 6th. 

It was January 6th.


	2. II : Debris

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karl finds himself four days in the future. On January 6th, Karl witnesses the final fall of L’manburg.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! welcome to chapter 2! 
> 
> cw and or tw : 
> 
> • war / violence 
> 
> • fire / smoke / explosions
> 
> • emetophobia 
> 
> • panicking / paranoia / anxiety 
> 
> please stay safe & enjoy! ♡

Karl stood at his bedroom door, eyes unable to look away from the pocket watch sitting in the flat of his palm. There’s no way this clock was telling him the truth. He probably just wasn’t paying attention to how far he winded the watch, and this was just where he left off. Surely he did this without knowing, just because the clock said it was January 6th didn’t mean it actually was. He exhaled shakily, having gotten his mind back on track. 

The ground shook beneath his feet again, trembling for longer, and harsher periods of time. Karl shoved the watch into his jacket pocket, yanking his bedroom door open and making a beeline for the front door. The seconds it took him to get through the hallway were some of the longest moments of his life. 

When he finally managed to get out of his house, he stood in front of the door, unsure of where to go. Towards the explosions? Away from them? To find Sapnap? To find Quackity? He rubbed at his neck as though that would help with the dryness of his throat, and the ground shook so hard his legs wobbled. 

Karl looked around desperately, heart racing in his chest, hands shaky and palms beginning to feel clammy. Where was this all coming from? Where was he meant to go? Smoke attacked his nose, thick and violent. He pulled his hoodie up around his nose, eyes narrowing at the potency of the dark cloud approaching him. Karl followed the cloud, slowly at first until he couldn’t take it anymore and began to run towards it.

His panic got the best of him, even if his legs were shaking and threatening to give out at any second, he couldn’t get there fast enough. Everything would be okay. It always was okay, eventually. He wasn’t alone. He’d find his friends, he’d find his fiancés, they’d be there and they’d be okay. 

Karl ran as fast as his feet could take him, the soles of his feet began to hurt, but his urgency was far worse than his pain. He squinted, as if that would help him see through the thick obstruction of smoke billowing up and out. It looked like it was coming from L’manburg, which had only just been rebuilt a few weeks prior. Karl clenched his hands into fists, he hadn’t been staying at his house there out of attachment to his old house, it was a bittersweet relief. 

He clutched at his chest when he got close enough to see the carnage. His blue grey eyes widened, flames and explosions reflecting in his irises. L’manburg was under attack again, and it was being blown up again, and it was far, far worse than last time. 

Karl was frozen in place, fear overtook his body and everything hurt at once. His eyes searched for anything he could recognize, anything he could make out, just anything he could hold onto and feel even the smallest bit of comfort. He found quite the opposite. 

Obsidian hovered over L’manburg, built into a grid over the nation, showering TNT down onto it and detonating when it hit the ground. The ground had already been beaten into a crater, getting deeper and less recognizable as seconds went by. Karl could’ve fell to his knees, he didn’t know how he managed to stay standing. His hands came up to grab at his hair, in utter disbelief this was happening, again.

His knees buckled when his eyes finally latched onto something familiar. Someone. Up above in the sky, higher than L’manburg, higher than him, higher than everyone, was Dream. He perched on the very edge of the obsidian, staring at the destruction with that mask over his face. Motionless and unmoving, Dream looked down at L’manburg, cloak flying behind him, hood low over his head, covering the top half of the beady eyes of his mask. 

Karl had never been so terrified of anybody in his entire life, he felt like ash, like dust. If Dream so much as looked at him, he would be blown away in the smoke, never to be seen again. And Dream would make sure he wouldn’t be missed. Over the sound of explosions, over the sound of his ears ringing, Karl heard shouts. He heard shouting, he heard clashing metal, he heard fireworks, he heard growling, snarling. 

He frantically looked around the crater, somebody was there, people were here, people were in danger. Karl caught sight of movement within the battlefield, breath catching in his throat when he saw him. The Blade. He’d been keeping his nose out of things lately, keeping to himself, yet here he was, in the fray of it all. 

Technoblade stood with his sword drawn, shield in his offhand, dozens of large white wolf-like hounds defending him. His face was hidden behind his clay mask, a pig’s face, and attached behind the mask was thick white fur. This fur blended in with his cloak, deep red with the same fur lining the rim. Fighting alongside Technoblade were the Withers. Karl lost count quickly, too quickly. Their empty gazes sent chills down his spine, made the hair on his neck stand up. 

Then Karl saw Sapnap, fighting back the hounds, narrowly avoiding explosions, ducking past the Withers. Karl’s blood ran cold, heart skipping a beat as time moved painfully slowly. TNT came hurtling down, sparing no bit of L’maburgian land from its hunger. He saw Quackity, and he saw the TNT threatening to fall down on top of him. Karl couldn’t do anything. 

He couldn’t even close his eyes. A shield came up slightly above Quackity, and Sapnap held him close to his chest as the explosion went off. Karl felt numb as he watched flames and smoke envelop the two of them. This couldn’t be the end of everything. 

More screams, cries, and fighting reached his ears, and Karl was frighteningly aware that everyone was fighting for their lives, for their L’manburg, it didn’t just stop at them. He looked around, eyes latching onto any movement he could find. 

Karl felt the world crumble around him at each face he recognized. Tommy, Tubbo, Jack, Eret, Nihachu, Fundy, BadBoyHalo, Punz, Puffy, Callahan, Ponk, Hbomb, Philza. They were all there, when the smoke cleared and he could see them, they were all fighting. Except they weren’t all on the same side, and Karl tried to make sense of it the best he could. 

Dream, Technoblade and Philza were working together. Karl couldn’t look away from the scene in front of him, Philza keeping out of the fight, luring Withers to destroy the property and his old friends. Technoblade taking on anyone and everyone that crossed his path, loading his crossbow up with fireworks and letting them fly. Dream watching from his spot on the obsidian, safely viewing the destruction of a nation, and a people. 

Karl had a moment of clarity, that it would be bad to be seen, as he was unarmed and not fit to be in the middle of a battle like this. He rushed around the perimeter of L’manburg and over the hill as safely as he could, dropping down to his knees once he was a safe enough distance and sighing loudly to himself. What could he do? What does he want to do? He had absolutely no power and he knew this. It taunted him every single day. He couldn’t do anything even if he tried. 

He was forced to watch day after day as the people he loved and cared about got dragged into things that hurt then more than it helped them. He watched them fight and fight, and never win. But they still never gave up. It ate him up alive. Karl rubbed at his eyes with his fists, he was so powerless, he felt like a nuisance. 

While he trembled up against the hill he found refuge by, he briefly heard the sound of someone else scrambling up near him. He clutched at his chest nervously, getting as small as he could and hoping he wouldn’t be killed on sight. 

Nihachu made her way down the path, it seems she didn’t see him. He was quite far from her, but her movements were desperate, frantic, she was running on nerves and hysteria. Karl watched her with his breath held, they were friends, good friends, and he trusted her. But she had this far away look in her eyes, she didn’t look much like she used to. She was holding something in her hands, tightly, as if she would let it go and it would fly away never to be seen again. 

Suddenly her expression shifted, she was determined, she was angry, she was furious. Karl flinched at the sight of it, never had he seen her so ready to do something. Nihachu climbed down the rest of the stairs, running down to the L’mantree safe in it’s obsidian hiding place, and Karl caught sight of the flint and steel in her hands when it was already too late. 

A pitiful noise left Karl as he watched Nihachu light the tree up without a shred of hesitation, the flames engulfed what was once lush and green, a beacon of hope, a symbol of togetherness. Red, yellow, and orange ate up the tree within moments, it was just as angry as she was. The fire took and took and took, swallowing the L’mantree up until it was just a memory. 

Nihachu walked back to the foot of the stairs, turning back to face the L’mantree and watch it burn to the ground. Her hand came up to her forehead, she straightened her back and stood in silence saluting the L’mantree. That distant look returned to her eyes again, she had been through enough loss, enough pain to last lifetimes. Karl stared helplessly at the black grass where the L’mantree had once stood. By the time he had looked back up, Nihachu was no longer there. 

Karl had to get out of here, he needed to get somewhere safe, he needed to be somewhere he could breathe. He stood up slowly, willing himself to be strong until he was in a space that wouldn’t strike him down for showing weakness. He continued along the perimeter of L’manburg, unsure if he could take being too close to the danger, he might shut down again. 

He could do nothing but run, and watch. He passed many of his friends, in combat with the Withers, too many of them to have even a moment’s rest. Even in the time he had been hiding, it didn’t seem the numbers of enemies decreased even a little bit. This was all too much, and there were so many people fighting against them. They had the numbers, but they did not have the power. 

Karl was a ways away from the fighting when he caught sight of some sort of negotiation happening in the centre of the battle, it was Tommy and Technoblade, like it had been for days. He couldn’t make out any words but he could see Tommy’s face, stricken with grief, betrayal, confusion. He had lost far too much far too quickly. Technoblade was hidden by his mask as he always was, but he was angered, he was hurt, he was betrayed. They had betrayed each other. And this was the outcome. 

Technoblade pulled his crossbow out, with flourish only a skilled fighter like himself could manage in an anguished conversation, and with a small flick he pointed it right at Tommy. Karl hid himself amongst the rubble, pupils shaking as he watched the fireworks slide into place. Technoblade was going to shoot Tommy pointblank, and it would all be over.

Goodbye L’manburg, goodbye Tommy.

Technoblade pulled the trigger. He was done listening to what Tommy had to say. Karl shuddered at the sound of fireworks bursting, eyes as wide as the moon as he watched Tubbo throw himself in front of Tommy, the fireworks narrowly missing the two of them and instead just singeing their clothing. 

This was too much, Karl couldn’t watch any longer. They were too young, they had been through these same turn of events over and over. They had been used, manipulated, hurt, pinned against each other, torn apart, hanging from a thread for their lives over and over again. Karl swallowed the lump in his throat and made an effort to get back to his feet. He had to keep moving, he had to get somewhere, anywhere. 

Rain began to fall not long after, Karl hadn’t stopped moving, making his way through the rough terrain of what was once L’manburg as stealthily as he could manage. He wasn’t ready for confrontation, he wasn’t ready to admit what he had seen, he wasn’t ready. He just wasn’t built for this, nobody was. 

The sound of explosions were replaced with cold rumbles of thunder, roiling through his chest and rumbling across the emptiness of L’manburg. The fighting was over, the loss hung over their heads, so prominent, so painfully hard to ignore. Lightning forked across the sky, lighting up the darkness and mocking the depths of the crater. There was no rebuilding this, not again, not in this state. This was it. 

Karl looked up to the skies, rain soaking his face, running down his cheeks and wetting his eyelashes. Up upon the obsidian he saw Tommy, Quackity and the faintest outline of Wilbur. Sometimes it was like he was still here. The rain fell particularly hard on them, hair flat against their faces, misery dripping down their skin and soaking into their clothes. Echoes of the anthem touched Karl’s ears and he shut his eyes, the rain was so cold, bone chilling, it hurt his head and froze his hands. 

He decided to follow them, as the heart of L’manburg was wherever they were, wherever they were together. Karl was far behind them, taking extra precaution to not be spotted, not now, when everything was already over. He didn’t think he could even handle a conversation right now. It was too much, everything was too much. 

Tommy, Tubbo, Jack, Quackity and the presence of Wilbur found themselves at the bench. Even as the rain fell down on them, they squeezed together onto the bench, eased down, and let the rain bore down into their skin. It reminded them they were alive. Karl sat against the grass, out of sight, but not out of earshot. He listened to them talk, listened to them banter, listened to the whispers of Wilbur’s memory. 

Karl leaned his head back against the grass, letting himself absorb the moment with them. Tommy put on Chirp and the disc managed to ease Karl’s nerves even if it was not being played for him. The rain had made him so cold, but he heard the chuckles through the music, and he put his hand over his heart softly. He was cold, but he was alive, and they were alive. 

As the music slowed down Karl knew he had overstayed his welcome, he swiped his hand down his face, drying himself and then he climbed down the hill slowly. The sounds of them speaking were lost in the rain, and he was alone again. Karl shoved his shivering hands into his pockets, he jolted when his fingers wrapped around the pocket watch. 

He wanted to go home. But he didn’t want to acknowledge this was real. This was all a bad dream. None of this ever happened. He’d wake up and everything would be okay. Karl went back to the remains of L’manburg, back to what was left of Party Island, and he pulled the pocket watch out. January 6th, 4:50pm. There was just no way. 

Karl didn’t want to give it anymore power over him. It was an object. It had to be a joke, a lie, a fib to upset him. He shut his eyes tightly and chanted over and over in his head to wake up. He gave himself to the count of ten before he opened his eyes, and stared blankly at the crater that was once L’manburg. This wasn’t a dream. This was never a dream. 

Karl looked down at the watch again, nibbling on his bottom lip and shakily reaching for the crown at the top of it. He wanted to go home. He needed to go home. He pulled the crown out slowly, hands going numb as he slowly spun it, watching the hands of the clock begin to move. 

He kept spinning it, not daring to go any faster in fear of going too far back. One wrong move and he would lose everything, everyone. Karl’s shoulders tensed as he watched the secondary clock switch dates. January 5th. That was one day down at least, maybe it made him feel a little less scared? Karl continued to move the hands of the clock, rocking back on his heels and exhaling shaky. He didn’t feel good, in fact he felt the worst he had ever felt. January 4th. 

Halfway there. He was almost home. Karl couldn’t let himself get too excited, he couldn’t screw this all up. Not now, when he could taste it. His hands had steadied themselves as he kept up his slow pace. January 3rd. Please. Karl could hear himself beg for it, so out of it he couldn’t tell if it was him in his head or him out loud. January 2nd. He felt relief rush over his body, but it was temporary, extremely temporary. 

Eyes. Karl felt eyes right on him. He tensed up, finger barely having enough strength to push the crown back into place. They stared at him, never once leaving him, watching, observing. He was being watched, and he didn’t know by who, and he didn’t have the nerve to look around. Karl pressed down on the crown, listening to it slide into place again. He shut the lid of the watch and held it close to his chest. Home, now, please. Please. Please. 

Karl felt himself get lurched backwards, falling into nothingness and everything at the same time. His eyes fluttered closed, the pain in his head returned, the severity amplifying by twofold. His body was not going to like this one bit. He fell fast, only registering the mattress under his back when he flinched violently. 

His bed, he was in his bed. Karl’s hands gripped at the sheets, smoothing his palms over the cool cotton and a sigh raked through his body. Quickly he fumbled for the pocket watch that had fallen onto the bed and opened it up. January 2nd. The night of January 2nd, the exact time he had began playing with the pocket watch. 

His thankfulness left his body as quickly as it had settled in. He hunched over his bed, pressing his burning forehead against the sheets, his head was throbbing and his eyes hurt no matter what he did with them. Karl gasped in pain, sweat dampened his forehead and the back of his neck. He began to shake, hugging himself and letting out a pained whine. He was going to be sick, he couldn’t stomach this even if he tried. 

Karl pulled himself off of his bed, eyes half open and body swaying. He just had to make it to the bathroom, then he could get back into bed and he could attempt to sleep it off. He ran his hands along whatever surface he passed, allowing himself to stay on his feet. He was clinging to the bedframe and the dresser and the doorframe. Finally he got into the bathroom, and he immediately fell to his knees in front of the toilet. 

Karl emptied the contents of his stomach, so weak he couldn’t keep his head up. He didn’t know what was tears, sweat, snot, or saliva. The pocket watch clung to his fingers, the chain wrapped around them, refusing to leave him alone. Karl wiped his mouth with his other hand, glaring at the brass pocket watch and grimacing. 

If this thing hadn’t shown up, he wouldn’t be in so much pain right now. He wouldn’t have to live with the knowledge an entire nation was going to blow up. He wouldn’t have to be responsible for stopping it. He was just one person, he wasn’t a fighter, he wasn’t a leader. Karl fought to untangle the chain from around his fingers and once he did he was even more frustrated with it. He threw the watch at the wall, it made a horrible thunk and then clattered to the floor, far away from him. 

He didn’t know how he managed to stand after being incredibly sick, but he made his way back to bed. Karl wrapped himself in his blankets, surrounded by pillows on either side and cuddled up against them. He closed his eyes but sleep didn’t come. Fear seeped into his head, made itself known and didn’t leave no matter how hard Karl asked it to go. His guilt, his anxiety, his lack of answers kept him up all night. He tossed and turned the entire night, begrudgingly watching the sun rise through his window. It left a bitter taste on his tongue, even the sun was mocking him. 

Exhaustion caught up with him, and his sleep came to him in the form of passing out. This was probably going to be his only chance at peace now that he had the world upon his shoulders. Karl took what he could get, not fighting the wave of his body forcing itself to shut down in order to get rest. He had a feeling this might be the only way he’d get to relax anymore.   
  


It was hot, he had managed to tucked himself in too well, the blankets were tight around him, suffocating. Karl pushed them away quickly, clutching onto his pillow for dear life as he glanced about his room. It was dark, the sun was gone again, maybe he slept through a whole day. He couldn’t be bothered to check.

Karl looked out of the window for a bit longer, he watched snowflakes pass by, the big fluffy kind. He hadn’t done much processing of anything, so he didn’t bat an eye as he got out of bed. He grabbed the topmost blanket, a brown and orange quilt, and stepped into his shoes once more.

He needed to cool down, he needed to look at something and think it was beautiful. Karl needed to take a step back and be thankful, so he let himself wander outside onto his front doorstep. He plopped himself down on an untouched part of the step, right under the roof and inhaled sharply.

The air was cold, but not hostile. It chilled his insides just the right amount, allowing him to feel, to flutter. Bundles of snowflakes eased down through the sky, falling right in front of him and adding to the light layer of snow. 

As beautiful as this was, a starless night with the waning moon beaming down on his figure curled up on his doorstep. Karl couldn’t ignore the fact he felt like a shell of a person. Like he had nothing left to offer, that maybe he just never did. He felt like a hand had reached into his chest and squeezed until he didn’t have any tears left. Under capacity. Empty. Void. 

Karl had his quilt pulled over his shoulders, both sides meeting at his chest. He curled his fingers into the quilt and bundled himself up. He wasn’t even cold, he wasn’t even anything. 

Footsteps caught his attention and Karl looked up to see Dream walking down the path. Dream didn’t even acknowledge him, didn’t even look, didn’t even pretend to care. His mask stared forward, head perfectly oriented to watch directly in front of him at the end of the path. Karl could still feel his gaze, it somehow made him feel even more hollow.

Karl turned his head to watch Dream continue walking, then his eyes landed on who he was walking towards, not where. George and Sapnap waited at the end of the path for him, doing their regular under the breath bickering before Sapnap looked for Dream and instead instantly found Karl. 

Sapnap brightened up faster than Karl could register that he had been noticed by his fiancé. He perked up an incredible amount, Karl couldn’t believe he could see it from as far away as he was. Karl smiled weakly, Sapnap wanted to see him, he always did, and there was no bigger compliment. 

Dream came back into Karl’s vision as he caught up with George and Sapnap, completely walking past them without so much as altering his pace. George’s head turned to watch Dream, before he looked back at Sapnap and a complex expression crossed over his face. George was waiting for Sapnap, who offered Karl a sad wave before following Dream. 

Karl’s heart sank again as he watched one of the only people that could instantly make him feel better walk further down the path, close behind Dream with George close behind him. That’s right, he was always being left behind. Karl’s leg began to shake, uneasiness welling up in his throat again.

Something, he needed something, anything. He grabbed at his quilt, then began patting himself down, searching like mad. He reached into his pocket for comfort, finding it empty, and he put everything in pause.

The watch. He wanted it for comfort. And then it wasn’t there. His hands clenched around nothing, he tried again and again. The watch wasn’t there. Karl tried his other coat pocket, and then the pockets of his pants, and his hoodie. Gone. Gone. Gone. 

Karl got to his feet, scrambling for the door and running inside his house. He slammed the door shut, locking it immediately and letting the quilt fall to the floor, kicking his shoes off hurriedly. Where was it? When did he last see it? Why couldn’t he keep it close? Why was that so hard? 

He ran down the hallway and straight into the bedroom. Karl began undoing his already messy bed, pulling away his sheets and shaking out his pillow cases. How could he lose something so important? He got to his hands and knees and looked under the bed. It wasn’t there either, so he went to look in the laundry basket. 

He was rustling through his dirty clothes when he was reminded of what happened last night. Sick, he got sick. Karl discarded a stained sweater and sprinted to the bathroom. It had to be there, or else that was it, everything was over. He’d failed and he did it so quickly. He knew he was no good. 

Karl swung the door to the bathroom open, listening the hinges creak. He haphazardly began feeling for the light switch, flicking the lights on and inspecting the entirety of the bathroom with a careful gaze.

A quick look in the mirror showed him everything he didn’t want to see. He didn’t just feel terrible, he looked it. He’d gone pale, the bags under his eyes were more prominent and he looked so scared all the time. Karl ripped his eyes away from his own reflection, he was a second away from hating what he saw looking back at him. 

The counter had only a bar of soap, toothpaste and a small cup containing three toothbrushes. He lowered his gaze even further, he would check the drawers if he didn’t catch sight of the glint of metal from the floor. 

There it was, in all of its glory. The brass pocket watch sat on the floor, in the same spot Karl had thrown it all those hours ago. It hadn’t moved, or been touched, or held at all since that moment.

Karl frowned upon seeing the watch, it taunted him. It reminded him of everything he had done wrong and everything he will do wrong. It reminded him he couldn’t do anything even if he tried. It reminded him he was useless and always had been. 

His hand twitched by his side, fingers trembling in anticipation. The unsettling feeling he got from staring down at the watch curled around his stomach, warning him from the very pits of him. He knew more now than ever that this watch was dangerous, and not to be given to the wrong person. Karl had to take care of it. 

He leaned down to scoop the watch off of the floor, it was colder than he remembered, goosebumps rose over his skin as he touched it. He opened up the lid to check the time and date. 10:02pm, January 3rd. He’d just slept until the next night, which allowed him a sliver of relief before he recalled he was just inching closer to the 6th.

Karl untangled the chain of the pocket watch and he hummed lowly to himself. Just the other day he was doubting the integrity of the watch, but it had power nobody else could use, nobody has access to anything quite like this. He slipped the chain over his neck and felt the weight of the watch hanging from it, pressing above his heart.

Karl put his hand over the watch, tucking it underneath his hoodie and patting it lightly. It wasn’t heavy, but it didn’t go unnoticed. It was just right. Somehow it just felt right. Karl looked at himself in the mirror again, eyes tracing the thin brass chain around his neck.

Even if he couldn’t bring himself to use it anymore, it was important to keep it away from people who would. Karl could play a game of keepaway. The only trouble was he had no idea who he had to be avoiding, or what they would do if they had the watch. 

Karl shut his eyes tightly, breathing through his nose. He’d just have to find out then, wouldn’t he? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can you tell the streams from jan 6th (the fall of l’manburg, whatever you’d like to call it) are my favourite? 
> 
> ive had this planned out for a few days and stayed up until 3:30am last night to get it done since my internet died and i lost a few paragraphs towards the end :’) pain...
> 
> id just like to thank you all for the support! i have lots and lots of ideas that are growing / changing every single day! i hope you all stick with me to see how i piece it all together! 
> 
> lots of love! see you next chapter!


	3. III : Snow Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karl uses the night of the 3rd to catch up with an old friend, gain comfort from those who know him best, and he finds another piece of his puzzle along the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hello! this has taken me so long to write but i finally got it done! thank you for the patience! 
> 
> cw and or tw :
> 
> • emetophobia ( mentioned ) 
> 
> • self-deprication / doubt etc
> 
> stay safe and enjoy!

Karl felt like a stranger in his own body, going wherever his feet took him without a second thought to where he was going. He needed to get out of the house, he needed to breathe fresh air, he needed to talk to someone, to anyone. He just wanted to pretend everything was okay, pretend he was allowed to be okay. 

The watch hung around his neck, tucked underneath his hoodie, resting against his chest. It felt wrong, but yet necessary. He couldn’t sit still with the watch far from him, but he didn’t feel right with it on his person. Karl felt like there was no winning. He had always been hopeful, been a ray of light during the harder times, but the role didn’t go without pressure. 

He knew people relied on him to lighten the mood, to make them feel better, and to make them smile. He loved being able to do that for people, but at a certain point he hit his limit. Karl didn’t know when to stop, when to give into the pain he felt and give up before it encapsulated him. 

Karl went down to the docks, a thin blanket of snow crunching beneath his feet and melting away. The water was completely still, snowflakes fluttering down and instantly fading away into nothingness. He buried himself in the fur lining the hood of his jacket, eyes looking across the horizon and longing to go back. 

Could he go back? From before he had the pocket watch? Would that even work? Should he risk it? He’d never really gone back in time before, not back to a day he had already completely lived. What if he went back to December? What if he went back to Christmas? 

The memories of his fiances gathered around their tiny christmas tree, snuggled up in a red plaid blanket, sharing obscenely sweet desserts and laughing so hard their cheeks hurt. Cinnamon and nutmeg and cocoa, lingering kisses and twinkling lights and discarded wrapping paper. 

Karl reached his hand into his hoodie, grabbing the watch tightly and staring down at it. December. Was that too risky? Was he allowed to relive his own memories? Would there be another version of himself? Was there another version of himself on the 6th? Where was he? Why didn’t he fight? Why didn’t he see himself?

He popped the pocket watch open and stared down the secondary clock face. What if he went back to the 1st of January? Was he allowed to start the year again? Could he go back? Karl thought about the 6th, thought about how close it was, and he shut his eyes. He wanted so badly to not know what happened that day, but felt so required to keep it from happening. But what would keeping the fall of L’manburg from happening do to the future? Would he just make everything worse? 

Karl didn’t know enough. He needed to do more research, he couldn’t do this, he was driving himself insane and it’d only been a day he’d had the watch. With a tremble to his hand, he tucked the pocket watch back into his hoodie and swallowed the lump in his throat. 

“Karl!” His shoulders jumped at the sound of his name, he quickly turned to see who had said it and he saw the frame of Nihachu wrapped in a light brown peacoat. 

When he looked at her he could hear the crackle of fire, smell the thick smoke overtaking his nose and see the light of the flames flickering over his skin. He tensed up immediately, reserved and cornered.

“Oh, did I startle you?” Nihachu’s face fell quickly, she pressed her hand to her chest and shook her head. “I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry.” She softened her voice, watching Karl’s closed off body language stutter.

He looked at Nihachu, really looked at her. She had her hair pulled into two low pigtails, eyes full of concern, pink cheeks, and a reassuring smile on her face. This was his friend, she was his friend. She had always been his friend. These eyes were full of life, they hadn’t lost their shine quite yet.

Yet. Karl brought his hand up and weakly rubbed at his neck, shaking his head just as she did. This wasn’t fair. None of this was fair. 

“No no, I’ve just been on edge, it’s okay,” Karl leaned back on his heels, testing his weight on his feet and securing his footing. She watched his subtle movement, she looked so worried for him and it pained him deep in his chest. He knew her, she had always been so lovely to him. 

“I hope you feel better soon,” Nihachu whispered out, pushing a piece of hair out of her face and looking towards the water. “It’s been so long since we’ve spoken, I really miss you.” 

Karl closed his eyes softly, the heat behind his eyelids was too overwhelming. It wouldn’t be so convincing if he just burst into tears after saying he was okay. He was so thankful she wasn’t looking at him anymore, he felt so conscious of everything he was doing. 

This wasn’t who he saw on the 6th, this wasn’t the Nihachu that burned everything she once stood for. This was the Nihachu he could talk to for hours, who would support him, who would bake cookies with him, who would gift him sweaters, who would help him with errands. He thought of them as close, but he hadn’t seeked her out as often as he used to. 

“I miss you too,” Karl replied, opening his eyes again and peering down at the reflection of the moon in the dark blue ocean in front of them. “I’m sorry I haven’t been reaching out, I’ve been really busy…” 

“Oh, no, I understand,” Nihachu reassured him with a small wave of her hand, inhaling the fresh air and sighing in relief. “You’ve definitely got your hands full, with not one, but two special someones.” She chuckled lightly and Karl looked at her through his peripherals.

“They’ve been keeping me busy for sure,” Karl was out of breath as he spoke, his laugh barely making it through before he inhaled shakily. “How have you been lately? Busy?” He kicked at the dock softly, the snow under his foot falling into the water below them.

“Busy could be the word, but I’m not necessarily doing anything, it’s just me,” Nihachu stuffed her hands into her pockets and shrugged tinily. “I’m not feeling up to much lately, a little lonely, but managing.” 

Karl swallowed the lump in his throat. He felt like such a jerk. He had Sapnap, he had Quackity. He knew that Niki had lost Wilbur, even if it wasn’t like that, she had lost who she had always stuck with. She was loyal to him, she believed in him, she felt safe with him. And he was gone, and she didn’t know. She didn’t know.

“Did you finally manage to leave your house to take a walk? Get some fresh air?” He asked lightheartedly, pointing to himself and offering a smile. “I had the worst sleep of my life, I’ve been sick lately.”

“Yes, that’s exactly what happened.” Nihachu laughed, her smile bright and the sound melodic. Karl’s heart ached as he heard it, he wanted so badly to protect this moment of happiness. He wanted to keep it close to his chest and keep harm away, but it was far too late for that. “I’m sorry to hear that…I think I am making myself sick with all this overthinking.” 

Karl looked down at his feet, ashamed to have even thought of Nihachu as a threat after he knew her. She was more than what happened on the 6th, she had always been more than that. He didn’t know why she did what she did, but he trusted her to have a reason, because he trusted Nihuachu. 

“I hear ya.” Karl offered a poor attempt at humour that would comfort the both of them for their shared self-destructive tendencies. The silence that surrounded them was gentle, laced with a giggle that got carried off by the wind. 

Karl was in his head again, watching the horizon line and getting swallowed whole by his negative thoughts. He couldn’t let Nihachu hurt like this, he couldn’t let her get worse, he couldn’t stand idly. It hurt so much to know he’d already let her go through this alone, he wanted to be by her side from now on, but he knew it was near impossible.

Not when everything has changed so drastically, not with the power he had now. He didn’t even know how to harness it properly let alone do it so well he could juggle all the important relationships in his life. Karl wanted to save Nihachu. He had to. He couldn’t let her tumble any further than she already had.

He wanted to be a better friend, a better person, just better. Karl hated the way he felt so useless, so weak, so small, but now he had an advantage. Whenever he got a grip on this newfound power, he could do something that really mattered. He was going to save her, and he’d do whatever he could to ensure that happened. 

Karl left the docks after absent minded conversation, talking casually about the weather and other things that didn’t matter. He moved quickly, rushing down the prime path to get to anywhere with a library. He needed to know more, he needed to bury himself into studying.

His brain was going too fast and he couldn’t keep up. All the answers were somewhere, tucked away in books, documents, theories. He’d need to connect everything he found, he had to work twice as hard as he did when he asked Quackity for help days before. This was different now, he knew what the watch was capable of and he couldn’t ignore the consequences of his lack of education on the topic. 

As he sped around the corner, thoughts loud mutters of possibilities and suggestions, he slammed right into someone and gasped in surprise. They both made small noises as their bodies collided, Karl took a big step back to steady himself and hands stuck out in front of him to prepare to catch him.

“Hey handsome,” Sapnap’s voice was amused, Karl could hear his smile and his held back laughter. Sapnap. Finally. Karl looked up at him, at his warm expression, his messy hair, his lazy smile. When he looked at him he couldn’t help but feel his walls tumble down, Sapnap had broken through them a long time ago. Karl didn’t realize he was moving until he wrapped his arms around Sapnap and had pressed himself up against his armour. His shoulders shook as he finally felt safe enough to show how troubled he’d been by all of this. “Hey,” Sapnap softened considerably, wrapping an arm around Karl’s waist and using the other to stroke his hair. “Look at me Karl.” 

When he did Sapnap looked forward at Karl’s eyes brimming with tears, eyebrows scrunched together in discomfort. That was enough for Sapnap, in fact it was more than enough. He grabbed onto Karl’s hand tightly, pulling him close and leading him down the path. Karl kept his pace and footing only because Sapnap was steady enough for the both of them.

It had been like this for a while, even though they had their fair share of fun (maybe too much of it), Sapnap was able to protect Karl from everything. He was loyal, some would argue stupidly so, but it was one of the things that drew Karl to him in the first place. If Sapnap loved someone, they would be fiercely protected, no matter the consequence for himself. 

While that worried Karl everyday, he always got to watch Sapnap come home, usually untouched and out of harm’s way. On the odd occasion that he did get severely hurt he was able to convince Karl to calm down after reminding him he was alive and would be more careful next time. They both knew he wouldn’t be, because he rushed in unless specifically instructed not to. And sometimes Dream was not there to pull the reins. Karl recoiled at the appearance of Dream in his thoughts, his fiancé’s best friend, who unsettled him so deeply he could probably be sick again.

“Here you go,” Sapnap laid his blankets over Karl softly, smoothing his hand over his legs and smiling down at him. Karl had calmed down in the walk over, basically having to be dragged to Sapnap’s house because his feet wouldn’t let him move. Sapnap helped him, the way he always did, not questioning that Karl had seemed to shut down on him. Karl rolled onto his side, hands holding onto either side of the pillow under his head. 

He watched Sapnap begin to take off his armour, with the full intention of getting into bed and comforting his fiance. Karl curled up a little bit, tired eyes gazing over Sapnap settling his armour on its stand and sliding his fingers through his hair until they caught on his hair tie. Sapnap pulled his hair out of its ponytail, which had gotten messy throughout the day, Karl had to ask him about what he was doing. 

It had been a few days actually, two, since he had seen him. Maybe Karl was now just realizing he was so caught up in his own head that he didn’t have the chance to check up on anyone else, he swallowed the lump in his throat. Sapnap’s dark hair fell around his face, wavy and messy. Karl smiled when they met eyes, a quick quirk of Sapnap’s eyebrow had Karl burying his face in his pillow. He missed him, a lot, and they both knew it. 

“You’re so far away,” Sapnap murmured as he got into his bed on the opposite side of Karl, waiting patiently as Karl scooted towards him. He rested his head on his shoulder, right against his neck and hummed in reply. He’d already had a very hard conversation today, with somebody he knew was going to lose themselves or was in the process of it. He knew what he saw on the 6th, Sapnap would be in the middle of the fight again, he always was. And he was fine, despite it all he was fine. Karl clutched at Sapnap’s shirt and Sapnap began to lean over him. “It’s too dark I can’t see your pretty eyes,” He whispered, reaching over to the bedside table where an oil lamp sat.

Karl peeked up at the sight of movement close to his face, and he looked at the necklace dangling from Sapnap’s neck. A key swung centimeters away from Karl’s forehead and his heart skipped a beat in his chest. It was the key to his house that Karl had given to Sapnap months ago, he always wore it close to his heart, he’d never not seen it around his neck since. Warm light washed over the two of them, and the key shone, a gentle sparkle hitting Karl’s eyes. 

“There we go,” Sapnap eased back into place beside Karl, laying flat with the key sitting on his chest, right beside Karl’s face. Sapnap’s arm was wrapped around Karl’s shoulder, rubbing at his arm lightly. Karl reached for his house key, and lightly held it in his palm. Where Sapnap had his most prized possession, Karl had that cursed pocket watch. It was almost like some sick betrayal. Where Sapnap had something so beautiful, Karl had something that made his stomach churn and his throat close up. “Do you want to talk about it?” Sapnap asked, his free hand brushing Karl’s mess of brown hair away from his face and resting on his warm forehead for a bit. 

It wouldn’t surprise Karl if he was coming down with a fever and Sapnap was considering the possibility, his rough hand stroked through the rest of his hair. To put it simply, Karl felt like shit. Inside and out he felt like nothing was going to make a difference no matter how much he talked about it or didn’t talk about it. He didn’t even know how he would explain this to Sapnap. He didn’t think he was even allowed to. He’d just be worrying Sapnap, and he didn’t want to hinder him in any way, the last thing Karl wanted to do was be a burden.

“I had a bad night’s sleep,” Karl croaked out, it wasn’t a lie but it wasn’t the whole truth, and that was enough to make him feel like he was lying through his teeth. He was lying to one of the only people in the whole world who would never lie to him, which made it so much worse. His gut twisted painfully in guilt, he ran his thumb over the ridges of the key. “I got really sick somehow, and I just… It was bad, cold sweat, nausea, shivers,” He continued, licking at his dry lips and avoiding eye contact. “And bad dreams,” 

“Spend the night, let me take care of you a little,” Sapnap hugged Karl close to him and Karl felt so small pressed up against him like this, he felt so hopeless for lying to someone trying to help him so genuinely. “You could have a fever, your forehead…” He trailed off, pushing his hair off of his face again and pressing a kiss to his forehead. Karl buried his face in the nape of Sapnap’s neck, eyes shut tightly as the guilt stabbed him right through the stomach. “What’d you dream about?” 

“I can’t remember,” Karl couldn’t stop the lie before it came out, and hearing his own voice in his ears was going to make him sick again. He knew, he knew exactly what he saw on the 6th and he could recall every part of it in vivid detail. He knew how it felt, how it looked, how it smelled, he could taste smoke. “Much.” Karl choked on the word leaving his throat, his poor attempt at saving himself from drowning in his lies. “I can’t remember much, but, um, there was fire and bombs, and I couldn’t do anything.” 

Sapnap didn’t say anything for a little while, just watched the way his fiance curled up into him, in tangible pain and distress. He frowned deeply, holding Karl against him protectively and squeezing at his shoulder lightly. Karl’s guilt was eating him alive, he didn’t like keeping secrets, he didn’t like hiding things, but this was bigger than him. It was bigger than both of them. He just wished that it wasn’t, because it was too big for him to handle alone, and he hated being alone, he hated it. 

“It was just a dream Karl,” Sapnap finally spoke, voice soft and low, just for his ears. He began to pat at Karl’s hair and Karl’s eyes flew open again, staring at his hand clenched around Sapnap’s necklace. This was the same way Sapnap had gotten Karl to fall asleep many times, when restlessness got too much and his thoughts raced in his head forbidding him from getting some shut eye. “You’re okay, you’re right here, I’m right here. We’re okay Karl, and we will be okay no matter what. Yeah?” Sapnap tucked some hair behind Karl’s ear and then cupped his face with one hand, thumb stroking his cheek gently.

He wanted to believe him, because Sapnap had so much faith in Karl, too much. Maybe to him they were okay, and maybe he really thought nothing would pull them apart, but Karl’s last few days had proved anything but that. Something was coming, and it was going to hurt more than lying to Sapnap had ever been. The pocket watch was heavy around his neck, the weight like a concrete block keeping him below water. He wished he believed him, because Sapnap didn’t think he was lying, he believed in his own words. Karl couldn’t swim to the surface no matter how hard he fought. Maybe he’d just give in. 

“Yeah.” Karl replied, leaning into Sapnap’s palm and weakly smiling when received another kiss, this time to his temple. His hand returned to his hair and the two of them laid in Sapnap’s bed quietly, nothing left to talk about and enjoying the comfort of each other's company. 

The bedroom door swung open and both of them jumped slightly, barely having enough time to react when Quackity slammed it shut again and grinned at them having a peaceful snuggle. Not for long, not on his watch. He pulled the blankets back way further than he had to and hopped in, bed creaking under his weight. 

“I was looking all over for you guys, and you were just here? Without me? That’s fucked up, I’m gonna be honest.” Quackity grumbled as he tucked himself in and rested both of his hands behind his head, peeking over at Karl and smirking. “Comfy?” 

“You didn’t look very hard,” Sapnap mumbled back, grinning when Quackity hit him in the head with his elbow and didn’t apologize for it. “If anything it’s your fault for being so late, you could’ve gotten some snuggles earlier.” He offered his other arm to Quackity and he rolled his eyes at him. 

“I don’t want your fucking pity snuggles, just say you hate me and want to call off the wedding.” Quackity spat as he laid down right against Sapnap, grabbing his arm and leading it to wrap around him lazily. “I get it, you don’t want my baggage.” 

“I’m comfy,” Karl whispered quietly, mostly because he wanted to see Quackity’s expression change from fake mad to genuine joy. He always did that when Karl caught him off guard with a moment of vulnerability. “Also, I’m the baggage, I’ve been really sick so I just finished complaining about it.” 

“You are not baggage.” Sapnap quickly jumped in, eyebrows furrowed, incredibly offended whenever Karl decided to talk bad about himself. 

“Shut the fuck up Karl Jacobs.” Quackity groaned only a moment later, visibly pissed off when Karl decided it was time to beat himself up after he knew these people would fight him on it. 

“Sorry,” Karl smiled softly, the tiniest giggle escaping him when Sapnap hugged his head against his neck tightly, aggressively showing how much he loved him through a simple action. Eventually he was let back up for air and Quackity was telling Sapnap to keep him down for a few more seconds to make sure he learned his lesson. “Will you help me if I throw up later?” 

“Dude I will hold it in my hands if I have to.” Sapnap said simply, and all three of them groaned in disgust before bursting into uncontrollable laughter. It sounded like it was a joke but they all knew he genuinely would, his loyalty had definitely gotten him into some tricky situations, and they wouldn’t doubt for a second that he wouldn’t follow through. 

“That’s fucking disgusting, fuck you for putting that image in my head,” Quackity complained loudly, shoving Sapnap’s hair out of his face and shaking his head in disapporval. “You know what Karl, if you’re sick again we’re just ditching this guy, I’ll be normal about it.”

“Okay, I was trying to be nice,” Sapnap laughed breathlessly, subconsciously playing with Karl’s hair as he spoke. “Go find someone else to cuddle the both of you at the same time then, I’ll wait.” 

“Yeah nice try, I don’t want to be an accomplice to fucking murder.” Quackity mumbled, stretching his arms above his head and yawning loudly. “I’m very sleepy.” He announced, groaning in relief as his back softly cracked as he wiggled around. “Goodnight, keep your lovey dovey whispers to a minimum.”

“Don’t listen to him, don’t let him silence our love.” Karl whispered as loud as he could, smiling brightly when Sapnap looked right into his eyes and he could see the way his pupils dilated. 

“Well, just to be clear, I wouldn’t let anybody do that.” Sapnap whispered back, actually making an effort to be quiet because he caught on quite quickly that Quackity actually wanted to go to bed. Karl bit at his bottom lip softly, the weight of Sapnap’s words began to settle and he replayed them over and over again. “Why’re you blushing?” Sapnap kept his voice soft, only making Karl more embarrassed. 

“Cause it’s you,” Karl buried his face in Sapnap’s neck again so he didn’t have to look at him and he sighed, caught up in his momentary bliss. “I think I’ll go to sleep too, thank you, for everything.” He couldn’t thank him enough for what he had done, because he always went above and beyond without thinking anything of it. Sapnap wasn’t aware this level of constant love and adoration wasn’t as normal as he thought it was, which made both of his fiances very often overwhelmed. 

“You don’t have to thank me,” Sapnap stroked at both of his fiance’s arms as they both laid beside him with their eyes closed. “I’d do anything and everything for you, you know?” His eyes glanced over Karl who was nuzzling against him shyly and then over Quackity who had literally passed out on his other side. He was tired, he’d been working too hard but he refused to admit it. He did a lot behind the scenes even his fiances didn’t know about, but they could see it in his schedule, completely booked up and most of it full of his own personal work. 

Karl knew Sapnap could protect him, and he knew Quackity could keep them safe. He wanted to help, in any way that he could. The pocket watch was still heavy around his neck, but he was determined to force it to be lighter. He had to know more. He didn’t care how long it took, he would fight to be even half as strong as they were. 

Karl had woken up in the middle of the night, not because of a nightmare or because he was feeling sick, but because his body forced him awake somehow. There was just this feeling coming from his chest that was urging him to wake up. The smallest idea in his head was telling him that there was something he needed to be awake to see. If he kept sleeping he would miss it, but he didn’t have the slightest idea what he was supposed to know now that he was awake. 

He slowly, and carefully sat himself up halfway, eyes heavy with sleep. Sapnap’s arm fell from around his waist and instead laid on Karl’s lap. Karl rubbed at his eyes and looked over his fiance’s, Quackity had his back facing them but he was holding Sapnap’s hand against his chest. Karl smiled, managing to sit up completely and scratch at his back sleepily. 

He was taking the whole not having a time warp of a dream as a blessing, and shoved his hand into his hoodie to grab the watch. He pulled it out and opened it up, it was the morning of the 4th of January, the earliest stages of the morning. Maybe his mind just wanted to be put at ease knowing he didn’t go forward or backwards, maybe he just wanted to show himself he would be okay and he was slowly getting the hang of it. 

Karl yawned quietly, wiping the sleep out of his eyes as he began to look around the room. It wasn’t snowing anymore, he could see the moon gleaming through the pale coloured curtains. He looked at Sapnap’s armour, looked at the pictures on the wall, looked at his weapons, looked at his candles, looked at his desk, looked at his shelf of books. Karl was rubbing at his face when a book caught his eye, the kind that stuck out only if you’d been in this room enough to memorize which books Sapnap had. 

This book was slightly thicker than the rest, but a bit shorter. It was worn out, compared to the others that had been treated with care and read with careful hands. It looked like it had things poking out of the top, and the page marking ribbons were tattered and barely peeking out from underneath the book. It was a dark brown, probably a leather, and it was well-loved. Maybe something carried around quite a bit, referenced by its owner. Sapnap never had anything like that, he wasn’t the note taking type, he was too impatient for that. 

Karl got up off of the bed, and grabbed the top most layer of blankets like he always did. He swung the blanket over his shoulders and held it in place as he trudged across the floor. Was this a journal? Where did Sapnap get a journal? There’s no way George would trust Sapnap with his journal, and Dream seemed like the type to strategically share information, but never a whole plan. Quackity kept work and home separate, he was exceptionally good at that. 

He made his way to the desk, securing the blanket with a little knot and reaching towards the journal with both of his hands. It was wedged between Hamlet and a book of nursery rhymes. Karl dragged his finger over the spine. There was no title on the journal. His finger slid further down and he could feel the slightest indent at the bottom of the spine. He couldn’t quite make it out, it was too dark and the lines were too few for him to make sense of. 

Karl walked to the window, holding the journal in the moonlight. He stared down at the spine of the journal, it was more of a chestnut colour, definitely leather, tattered edges and tons of papers spilling out from it. The page markers were white ribbons, his eyebrows drew closer and he touched them softly, the edges were frayed and slightly burnt. They looked a lot like the ribbons Sapnap wore as headbands from time to time. Was this actually Sapnap’s journal? And Karl hadn't noticed he took up the hobby let alone that he had enough time to create something so elaborate that it was spilling out of the sides?

He turned the journal, looking down at the spine, at the indent on the bottom of it. His hands immediately began to shake, eyes flickering over the characters hoping that he had read it wrong, his head throbbed in pain, this couldn’t be right. 

The journal was signed XI. In the same writing it was signed in on the pocket watch. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this literally took me 10 days to plan, write, and just be in the mood to work on hehe. i’m just glad i eventually got around to it! 
> 
> i have so many notes on the HUGE big plot points and twists but not enough on the tiny ways to get there hehe! it’s a lot to juggle a chaptered fic, oneshots, and of course school, and having a hobby that involves watching hours of streams a day DJDMDK. 
> 
> i hope you’re all enjoying it so far! this chapter is like a little bit of breather while still being incredibly relevant to the bigger picture hehe i had a lot of fun writing it. 
> 
> also! yesterday was my birthday! i really was trying to grind this out and upload it yesterday but i really couldn’t do it...oh well! a belated birthday present to myself! hehe! <33 
> 
> see you next chapter! ill probably be uploading some oneshots inbetween chapters because i can’t stop getting a single scene stuck in my head and planning an elaborate plot behind it. 
> 
> anyways im rambling! goodnight! good morning! good afternoon! lots of love! <33


	4. IV : Pages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karl opens up the journal and reads through some of it’s pages, gaining a strange relationship with it. But that’s not the end of inanimate objects that call out to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello dear readers!  
> yes this did take me a very long time, but i have been thinking about it a lot! 
> 
> this fic takes me a bit of time to update as i keep getting inspired to do oneshots and i accidentally make them long hehe...whoops! 
> 
> anyways! thank you for your patience! 
> 
> enter... the journal :O

Shaking hands steadied themselves against the spine and cover of the journal. Whatever this was, however he knew it was here, it wanted Karl to open it. Karl didn’t know if this was dangerous, if opening this book would be anything like opening the pocket watch. But he needed answers, and he couldn’t shake the feeling that opening this journal would give them to him.

It was risky to do anything revolving around the situation, and Karl didn’t have time to think about everything that could go wrong. If he was woken up in the middle of the night and pulled to this book, he couldn’t leave it alone. If this journal was in Sapnap’s house, of all places, Karl couldn’t leave it alone. The signature was more than enough to hold Karl’s attention. 

He pulled the cover open and stared at the first two pages of the journal. Maps, and they were hand drawn. His eyes flickered over the details, overlapping and scratched out. He recognized the names of his friends, the names of houses and nations they have built, it was too much at once. The layers were too messy, too rushed, the handwriting was jumbled, scratchy.

Karl flipped through more pages to find sketches of nature and wildlife. Landscapes and sunrises, sunsets and snowstorms. He brushed his fingers over the signatures, each time signed with XI without fail. They were beautiful pieces, Karl didn’t know much about art but these made him feel inspired, like he wanted to go out and learn. 

He turned the page over again and found pressed flowers taped against the off white pages. Some leaves and foliage were glued to the pages alongside it, and Karl gingerly traced at the fragile pieces of outside. This journal didn’t threaten Karl in the slightest, this wasn’t what he thought it was going to be. It was beautiful, it was memories. These were someone’s memories, they were XI’s memories. 

The more he flipped through the journal the more things meant nothing to him. Pages and pages of notes, packed onto the page and circles and highlighted. Dates that meant nothing to him, patterns that didn’t make sense. Perhaps he was getting ahead of himself after all. He needed some way to decode this. This journal wasn’t something he was meant to understand, at least not now, that much was clear.

He had gotten about twenty pages into the journal when things cleared up exponentially and decided to make sense to him. Karl stared down at the words, neatly written, strangely familiar and he frowned. He wasn’t sure if he liked this, in fact it was getting eerie. 

**Hello, for now I’ll introduce myself as a journal. I’m a tool made for you and you can trust me.**

Karl ran his fingers over the ink, eyebrows furrowing in doubt. It wasn’t everyday a book told him to trust it, and it wasn’t the day Karl blindly agreed to it’s proposal. Karl couldn’t trust anyone, the only people he could trust were fast asleep behind him. This wasn’t Sapnap’s writing and it wasn’t Quackity’s writing either. Besides neither of them would pretend to be a journal, because they knew it was freak Karl out. And he was sufficiently freaked out right now.

**January 6th 2021 has to happen the way it did. It has to happen the exact same way it did. Changing it is impossible and trying will do more harm than good.**

Karl looked away from the journal, up at the weak moonlight serving as his lamp and then over his shoulder. His stomach was in the process of sinking as he peeked around the dark bedroom, part of him wanted to pretend this was all a dream, pretend he hadn’t seen a thing. He looked back down at the book and reread what it had told him.

How was Karl supposed to live with this? How could he go on knowing L’manburg was supposed to blow up and he could do nothing? Karl didn’t know why he was getting so upset, what could he even do to stop it? He’d known about it for a few days and made absolutely no progress. The book reassured him and unnerved him at the same time, it was too soon to tell if it was being genuine. Karl couldn’t even believe he was referring to the journal as if it was an entity, the thought shot a shiver down his spine. 

**Keep an eye out for people acting differently. It’s not safe for me to name names. It is not safe for you to trust.**

Karl felt a headache coming on, as if he hadn’t just gotten over one earlier. It was exhausting, processing everything in such a short period of time. He knew a lot of people, and maybe he didn’t even know them in the first place. Maybe he only knew the sides of people they purposefully displayed, maybe he didn’t know what “different” was supposed to look like. Maybe people acting differently was just somebody having a good day, or a bad day. Karl didn’t know enough, and it was agonizing. 

**Only go to the page marked with the ribbon if you feel that something is missing.**

Was he going to listen to the book? Was he going to take advice from this book? Karl was leaning heavily towards yes, simply because this was the best lead he’d gotten so far. He eyed the ribbon suspiciously, he wanted to see what was waiting for him, but his gut told him it should be saved for later. If something was missing he’d come and find the journal, and he’d open it up and read what it had to say. Karl now had something to come to if he needed it, almost as if he had someone to confide in. As if this was a friend, and not a mess of paper and scribbles. 

**Write down everything.** **Everything.**

Karl closed the journal up finally, exhaling loudly and shutting his eyes softly. Great. The journal wanted him to start his own journal. Karl put the book back on the shelf where he found it and rubbed at his eyes tiredly. He could write things down, he had sort of been doing that anyways, but it was disorganized and he left notes around. He probably shouldn’t be doing that, but that was the earlier stages. Now he thinks he knows how the watch works at least at a base level, and he has a journal that knows everything but can’t tell him. 

Was the hole he dug himself into even deeper than before? Karl couldn’t tell, and he couldn’t get out either. He pushed his hair out of his face and held it there as he inhaled deeply. Tomorrow he’d start a journal, a manageable task that gave him clear direction. 

“Did you want a bedtime story?” Sapnap’s voice heavy with sleep cut through the silence and Karl spun around towards the bed. He had forgotten he wasn’t in his house but in Sapnap’s, and he wasn’t reading something he owned he was reading something Sapnap owned, for some odd reason.

Karl let his hands fall to the bottom of his shirt, where clutched at it softly and fiddled with a loose thread. Sapnap weakly raised his head towards Karl, eyes barely open. Since Karl had gotten out of the bed Sapnap had rolled over and pulled Quackity up against his chest. Quackity was holding one of Sapnap’s palms up to his cheek, he showed absolutely no signs of getting up anytime soon. He was out like a light.

“No, sorry, I was looking at the moon,” Karl whispered unevenly, making his way back to the bed and leaning his knees against the mattress softly. “I didn’t mean to wake you up…” He scrambled back into bed quietly, already feeling a little better when Sapnap’s hand grabbed his waist and helped him get back into a comfortable position.

“Mm, ‘s alright,” Sapnap was fighting with the urge to sleep head on at this point and Karl smiled, laying against his chest once more. “It’s not just the dreams, is it? Keeping you up, I mean…” 

Karl’s heart tensed up in his chest, he really couldn’t hide anything from this man. He saw the slightest bit of displeasure in Karl’s usual carefree life and he sought out to make it all better, to fight all the monsters for him. Except this was something Karl had to do alone, and it terrified him. 

“How do you know who to trust?” Karl asked under his breath, realizing halfway through the question that maybe it was too broad. He shook his head, clicking his tongue in irritation at himself. “I mean sides, how do you pick sides? With the amount of fighting that goes on around here… how?” Karl’s eyes fluttered when Sapnap’s hand came up to brush through his hair, stroking every ounce of doubt from him effortlessly. 

“Well, I’ve always been a bit naive.” Sapnap started, peeking down at Karl who looked as though he might fall asleep any second. “I always pick Dream, because he’s Dream. The same way that I’d pick you, or I’d pick Quackity. Because you’re you, and you’re more important to me than anyone and anything.” His hand stopped moving in Karl’s hair and Karl tilted his head to look up at Sapnap. He didn’t like the intensity in his expression, he didn’t like the evidence that he was struggling. “I excused too much… and maybe I only realized he doesn’t care about me the way I care about him painfully recently…” 

“Don’t be too hard on yourself,” Karl pressed a hand to Sapnap’s cheek lightly and stroked at his skin. “Don’t get upset with yourself for having a big heart…he’s the one who took advantage of it.” 

“So you think so too?” Sapnap tilted his head towards Karl slowly, kissing Karl’s palm and watching the flush of colour bloom across Karl’s face. “It’s more difficult now, it used to be so easy. Of course I’d pick Dream. But he’s done a lot of things to lots of people, inexcusable things… but it feels wrong to go against him. Because he’s always been there for me.”

“It’s hard…” Karl agreed, brushing his fingertips over Sapnap’s temples and tucking a piece of hair behind his ear as he watched him breathe. “I’ll stand with you and whatever you choose to do…” He slowly dragged his hand down Sapnap’s cheek, then to his jaw, his neck and was tracing his clavicle with a soft touch.

“Loyalty is tricky when you’re loyal to someone who has changed so much,” Sapnap let out a big sigh, mostly because he liked to watch Karl move with his chest. Karl grabbed at Sapnap’s abdomen, as if he was going to fall off of him or something. “Go back to bed.” 

“Okay, I will,” Karl eased his grip up slightly, eyes beginning to close as Sapnap wrapped his arm around him. “Thank you Sap…” He meant it, he didn’t think he could repeat the words enough. There was so much he could thank him for, but if he tried they’d be up all night. 

“Mhm, always.” Sapnap whispered, as if it was obvious. And the way he was so sure of it made relief trickle into Karl’s mind. He was his rock, that much was clear. 

Karl was lulled back to sleep by the steady sound of Sapnap’s heart beating right below his head. He’d deal with all the complicated and impossible things tomorrow, in the morning. He didn’t need to worry about things right now, he only needed to focus on the synchronized heartbeats of his fiances. He needed to breathe, and listen to his own heart.

He wasn’t alone in this, he carried them everywhere he went. Sleep wasn’t as terrifying when he had them, his nightmares couldn’t get him here. Not when Sapnap was holding him so close and Quackity’s occasional bouts of sudden snoring scared them away. 

Karl had a few things he wanted to do now that he had gone to bed once more, gotten all the hours he needed to be fully rested and then woken up to his fiances getting ready for their own days. It was the 4th of January and he finally had some direction. He’d spend most of his time getting things together for his journal. 

After small kisses to his forehead and reveling in the feeling of his lovers eyelashes brushing over his skin, desperate for any bit of contact they could get before separating ; Karl left the house right after Quackity. They’d eventually meet up today, their work in the archives was bound to overlap, though Karl had to find a way to water his curiosity down to just the watch. 

He still struggled with the fact he had told them about the watch, he couldn’t ditch the feeling that it was a mistake. Karl was so desperate to have answers that he may have accidentally burdened and maybe endangered them. It was the last thing he wanted to accept but it may be inevitable. Alongside figuring where the watch came from, who it came from, and how it did what it did, he’d also have to find out how to protect them.

It only took Karl fifteen minutes of slowly making his way down the path when he came to a full stop as the feeling of being watched settled over his body again. The same way he felt eyes on him on him when he was trying to get back to present day on the 6th. This time Karl had the nerve to look around, this time he didn’t shy away from the pressure of a gaze boring into his body. Karl peeked over his left shoulder, then his right shoulder, and then he carefully scanned the area while doing a little spin. 

Nobody was there, at least not in plain sight. Karl pulled a face, touching his hand to his chest and feeling the pocket watch underneath his hoodie. He was getting kind of used to it being there, it was becoming less heavy and more a part of him. The thought both relieved and terrified him, he didn’t know enough to be put completely at ease. 

Karl turned back to the way he was going, squeezing at the watch and then exhaling steadily. The eyes were locked in onto him, they refused to stop watching him. He held the watch tighter, worried it might go somewhere if he let go. Then he began to wander down the path, it felt the sensation getting closer, like he was being pulled somewhere. 

He walked faster, the sound of his feet against mismatched wood became deafening. He shouldn't be following somebody he couldn’t see, or something. He shouldn’t be doing any of this but the urge was too strong, he couldn’t turn it off. He couldn’t not follow it, it’s like he absolutely had to let it pull him. 

Karl nibbled at his bottom lip, his knuckles were turning white from the force that he was holding his pocket watch. The eyes were right on him, following, leading, stuck on him, too close for comfort. His breath caught in his throat as he found himself being led to a building he hadn’t been too aware of before, he was unsure of the origins, he didn’t even recall it being there. He eyed the building slowly, it looked old and new at the same time, and it didn’t look like anything special. It was fully possible that Karl had overlooked it, it was fully possible it was hiding in plain sight all along. 

He was still being watched, his hands touched the doorknob and the gaze got stronger, maybe it doubled, maybe there were more eyes on him now. Karl pulled the door open, it didn’t creak, and he had to try again to make sure he was hearing okay. He stepped forward, the floor squeaked beneath him and he quickly stared down at it. The floor was clean, impeccable even. This place was new, or well loved, or wasn’t collecting dust for whatever reason. 

Karl walked inside further, licking at his dry lips the moment the sun shone through the windows and illuminated the walls of the room. Shelves lined the walls from floor to ceiling, but there was nothing on the shelves. Karl tilted his head lightly, bringing a hand up and sliding across a shelf in the middle. No dust. An empty library that hadn’t been touched. 

Why did they need another library? Who owned this building? Who made it? Why was he being led here? Karl spun around hurriedly, staring at a wall. He could have sworn he felt somebody here with him, he could have sworn he felt the eyes on him right there. With a small shudder, he approached the wall and glanced around. It was fully possible somebody had been invisible the whole time, but surely Karl would recognize the signs of a potion. 

He looked at the wall, as if it was looking back at him. Karl tapped his knuckles against the wall, then he knocked slightly to the right of it. He didn’t know how, just a gut feeling, but he knew this wall was a door. He knew it was hollow and he knew he could get in. He dragged his fingertips along every inch of the wall, and then he followed the pull of the gaze to behind the nearest bookshelf.

His fingers bumped into a slight raise in the wood and his eyebrows quirked. A button. He pressed down slowly, listening to the mechanism echo through the empty library until the door opened up in front of him.

Karl stared down a tunnel, swallowing the lump in his throat. This was all new to him, but Karl didn’t feel like this was the first time he was seeing this. He looked at this secret tunnel laid out in front of him and he frowned. This wasn’t shaking him up like he would have expected it to. The eyes seemed to have faded away now, the gaze seemed to be leading him here. 

There was more for him to worry about, more pieces of the puzzle letting themselves be known. He lifted his foot to wander into the tunnel when a voice reached his ears and he pulled back entirely. Karl turned around once more, eyes flickering about the library. He rushed to the main door, poking his head out. 

“Karl!” Quackity’s voice came down the path and Karl hurriedly peeked back at the tunnel to see it had closed up again. Karl stared in confusion, not quite sure how this worked, now quite sure how any of this worked. “Karl, hey.” 

Karl turned around to see Quackity had caught up with him, and he offered a gentle smile. They’d only been apart for a little while, but it was always nice to see him again, always made him feel better. 

“Alex, hey...” Karl watched as Quackity took a look at the library behind him and hummed in thought. Maybe Quackity knew something about it? Maybe he could give him something? Anything? 

“I’ve always wondered when this would get up and running.” Quackity murmured, putting a hand out towards Karl and rubbing his thumb over the small crinkle between his eyebrows. “You’re thinking too hard.” His eyes flickered over Karl’s expression and then he looked back to the library. “I wonder who it’s waiting for…” 

“It,” Karl repeated, grabbing onto Quackity’s fingers and pulling his hand away from his face. He had relaxed slightly, trying his best not to show the panic waking up inside of him. “Yeah, I wonder.” Their fingers hooked without much thought, tangling effortlessly and tickling slowly. 

Who was it waiting for? Karl only budged when Quackity began leading him along the path away from the library, but Karl’s eyes were glued to the building. Through the sound of Quackity’s voice and the ticking of the watch against his chest, Karl could hear the call of the library. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> karl, king of being pulled to random (?) objects. we love to see it. we love things falling into place ... or are they...jk...unless? hehe
> 
> so sorry this took me almost a whole month and it’s not super long either! school is coming back full swing! 
> 
> thank you as always!  
> see you next time! which hopefully will sooner than it took me to update this time around! 
> 
> lots of love!!

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading!
> 
> see you soon ♡


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